Is Mobile Marketing Effective? NOPE: 7 Reasons To Give Up
Let’s face it, the internet is dead. It has been for a long time. In fact, hardly anyone has even used it, let alone learned how to use it efficiently. This new mobile fad is the same thing, we’ve put a lot of thought and research into this and can’t come up with a SINGLE reason why you should continue your mobile marketing campaign. Nothing, zip, zero, nada. BUT, we have found several reasons why you should give it up. It’s obvious! But don’t take our word for it, actually, we’re kidding. DO take our word for it. We have PLENTY of evidence that says you should give up on your mobile marketing strategy TODAY! Stop wasting your time marketing to the 91% of adults who own a smartphone. YOU DON’T NEED THEM! You are better than that! Also, disregard the fact that 271 million adults own some sort of a mobile device, 88% of users have used mobile sites to get discounted deals, and the fact that 8 trillion text messages will be sent this year. None of that’s important. At all.
But enough of that balderdash (that’s a word, look it up), here’s my 7 reasons why you need to GIVE UP your mobile marketing strategy as soon as possible!
You Have More Money Than You Need
Let’s be honest, you have more money than even Donald Trump knows what to do with. Why do you need more?!?! Considering 99% of smartphone users use their browser at least once a day, you KNOW this medium is dead. So why are you wasting your time?!?! Drop your mobile marketing campaign today, hire an accountant, and start counting your money until you die. There’s no other logical way to deal with this ridiculous influx of money into your company. If you continue your mobile marketing campaign, there’s atremendous chance you could end up earning MORE money for you and your company. Actually, you could end up earning TONS more revenue for your company. STOP THE MADNESS! You can’t handle any more money! Drop the hammer on your mobile marketing campaign ASAP before you earn even more money than you already don’t know what to do with!
Your Business Doesn’t Need Customers
Congratulations! You did it! No more dealing with customers, clients, or ANY HUMAN! Your business has become so successful that you literally do not need another customer to walk through your door. Right now, all you are doing is wasting your precious time and energy to deal with people that you do not need! Drop them! Lock your doors! Lock your windows! Hide your kids! Hide your wife! Okay, maybe that’s a bit too much, but you get my point.
On top of this, you can now completely disregard Facebook, Twitter, and any other social networking site. Facebook has over 1 billion people using its site, that’s 1 billion people too many. You don’t need any of them, not even that Zuckerberg guy. Remember, you have more money than him. Twitter? Psh, please! Twitter only has 500 million users. That’s 500 million people that you don’t need money from!
You’ve Gained 100% Market Share
Let’s put it this way, the market was your baby, and you just put it in a corner. All of it. Actually, our team conducted extensive research and found out that LITERALLY 100% of businesses in ALL FIELDS AND INDUSTRIES come to you for their needs. You are THE PLACE to go if anyone wants to buy or sell anything. Going anywhere else would be virtual suicide, and there are several bankrupted companies to prove it. Your market IS the market. Literally, in it’s entirety. Everyone else has cried ,”Uncle!”
There’s No Need To Interact With The Outside World Anymore
We’ve been over this. Your company no longer needs people. WHY would you bother interacting with them? It’s not like anything is changing. Plus, you’ve beaten everyone. Every company in the world looks up to you and the standard you’ve set. Remember, only LOSERS interact with their customers. If you keep interacting with your customers, they might think you are actually interested in what they have to say and they might start, dare I say it, wanting to do business with you?!?
Your Company Is Already The Largest In The World
Let’s face it, your company is ENORMOUS! Walmart reports to you. NASA looks to you for guidance. You’ve managed to overtake and buy out every single company in the technological, financial, industrial, and commercial fields. You have ZERO competition and a monopoly on EVERY INDUSTRY! Everyone else has gone bankrupt due to your company’s GENIUS management. No more competing with the millions upon millions of companies who are on Facebook and Twitter. They don’t even exist anymore!
Your Brand Awareness Is An Entitlement Handed Down By Birth
When people see your company’s logo anywhere in the world, they are thinking one thing; the best. In fact, all other logos have ceased to exist. No one even KNOWS of another logo besides your company’s. It so enlightening, so inspiring, so…perfect, that everyone has completely forgotten that any other logo has ever existed. You alone stand at the top of the mountain, and there’s not even anyone trying to climb it and knock you down. They’re all dead at the bottom. Why? Because you put them there with your genius management and ridiculously recognizable brand. You win!
Mobile Marketing Is A Fad
Let’s be honest, NO ONE is going to be using mobile phones 5 years from now, or even 3 years from now. In fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if you just decide to throw you cell phone in the trash can right now. Nobody likes them, they’re useless, and they’re terrible to market on. The fact that 300 thousand mobile apps have been developed should tell you that app developers are deluded. They have no idea what they’re doing. They’re marketing to a measly 99% of the U.S. population, 97% of whom are within 3 feet of their phones 24 hours a day. How in the world do they expect to get any return from that? Mobile marketing is a fad, get out before the entire market collapses and you are sucked into its black hole!
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